This week, as I explained on Saturday’s NS&W post, our family is unplugged. I still want to read your comments later though, so feel free to leave ‘em. However, rather than provide you with another episode of my life, I’ve decided to vent some vitriol in the direction of my ex and my abuser. Feel free to add your own PS if you’re so inclined. I promise, I’ll still read them. You just might have to wait for a reply, okay? Anyway, here we go.
I wanted to tell you what a frustrating JERK you turned out to be. What a frustrating, selfish, JERK. I’m so mad at you for what you did to me. Do you know that I’m still trying to get past it, thirty-five years later? Seriously? All of this crap is now in my life because you had to try and have sex with a ten-year-old kid.
However, I’m stronger because of it. I’m better because of it. YOU don’t get any thanks for this. I didn’t do it because of you. I did it in SPITE of you. You stink, especially if you’re still doing that kind of stuff to other kids.
I sure hope you’ve repented, though. I can’t help it. I can’t hate you any more. I don’t love you. But I can’t hate you. It’s not in me. I would only be doing myself more pain and letting you win if I hated you. Much as I’m tempted, I just can’t do that. I don’t forgive you for your sake. The odds are pretty good that you won’t ever read this. I forgive you for myself, my children and my Father.
Dear Mr. P,
I remember all the eight years you and I dated. I remember all the lies you told me. You’d think, after so long, I would have forgotten it. You know, what with my poor memory and all. However, I want to tell you a few things.
First, you were right, in a way. Not in that men and women can never be friends once they’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend, just that you and I could never be friends once we’d been boyfriend and girlfriend. I realize, now, though, that I should have run far and fast when I got that letter of yours detailing how much you despised me for putting you in the “friend zone.”
Second, I actually have a number of things to be grateful to you for. I’m glad you didn’t marry me. My life would have been a miserable wreck if you were my husband. I would never have met the love of my life. I would never have had a chance to be happy. So thank you for being such a donkey, Mr. P.
Third, I learned a few things. From you, I learned what love really looks like. I learned that I was selling myself short by thinking I was actually in love with YOU. I learned that I could do infinitely better. I can’t help but wonder if you learned anything from our entirely too long relationship.
Anyway, I’m better off without you. I married someone who is ten times the man you ever were. He was my friend before he became my husband. He is much handsomer than you are, nicer than you ever were and never asks me to do anything that would be against my moral standards. He believes in my dreams. He’s my hero. Too bad you couldn’t find it in yourself to be any kind of a hero to me.
Not that I miss you. Hahaha. That’s a laugh. Why would I miss you. I’ll admit, I hope you have a good life. I hope you can find someone who can handle you, although I hope someone breaks your heart the way you broke mine first. Take care of yourself. Someone has to.
Your happily married ex-fiancée,