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Princess and I were rather happily mangling Mary Had a Little Lamb earlier and she suggested I post the results here.  Technically, this is turning a nursery rhyme into a public house rhyme.   Enjoy!


Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was black as coal

And everywhere that Mary went

It cheated, lied and stole.


It followed her to school one day.

And broke a dozen rules

It made the children all throw up

To have the lamb at school.


And so the teacher turned him out

But still he lingered near,

Then snuck back in at recess time

And poked her in the rear.


“What’s with that horrid black-fleeced lamb?”

The frightened children cry.

“I haven’t got the faintest clue.”

Their teacher did reply.


The little lamb ran to the stores,

Pushed babies to the streets.

While parents blithely bought some s’mores

To give to them as treats.


The other day, the lamb destroyed

poor Mary’s garden shed.

They found him huddled in a heap

and thought that he was dead.


They thought that they would leave him there

Since he was such a jerk.

Next morning, Mary found him

At his usual dirty work.


At last, poor Mary’s mother had

To be rid of the sheep.

She shot him with a B.B. gun,

Which put him straight to sleep.


She wrapped him up in plastic wrap

And mailed him to Bombay.

They never saw that lamb again.

He’s missing still today.


Bear in mind, please, that princess is ten years old.  I’m not at all sure this is the kind of thing you’d want to read to your preschooler.  Still, you have to admit, it has it’s amusing side.