Princess and I were rather happily mangling Mary Had a Little Lamb earlier and she suggested I post the results here. Technically, this is turning a nursery rhyme into a public house rhyme. Enjoy!
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as coal
And everywhere that Mary went
It cheated, lied and stole.
It followed her to school one day.
And broke a dozen rules
It made the children all throw up
To have the lamb at school.
And so the teacher turned him out
But still he lingered near,
Then snuck back in at recess time
And poked her in the rear.
“What’s with that horrid black-fleeced lamb?”
The frightened children cry.
“I haven’t got the faintest clue.”
Their teacher did reply.
The little lamb ran to the stores,
Pushed babies to the streets.
While parents blithely bought some s’mores
To give to them as treats.
The other day, the lamb destroyed
poor Mary’s garden shed.
They found him huddled in a heap
and thought that he was dead.
They thought that they would leave him there
Since he was such a jerk.
Next morning, Mary found him
At his usual dirty work.
At last, poor Mary’s mother had
To be rid of the sheep.
She shot him with a B.B. gun,
Which put him straight to sleep.
She wrapped him up in plastic wrap
And mailed him to Bombay.
They never saw that lamb again.
He’s missing still today.
Bear in mind, please, that princess is ten years old. I’m not at all sure this is the kind of thing you’d want to read to your preschooler. Still, you have to admit, it has it’s amusing side.