This week, I’ve been very busy trying to get caught up with the laundry. Today, of course, since the laundry was complete, I’ve been alternately doing dishes and making granola out of the Make-a-Mix cookbook. As usual, Boy has been something of a challenge. Lately, he seems to really need more of my attention than ever and has found more creative ways of getting it. However, with the Lord’s help, I find myself coming up with more creative ways of giving him attention and pulling him back to sanity when he gets upset without having to do any damage to either of us. Princess is doing particularly well in school, her creativity and abilities are making testing at school easy for her. What’s more, she’s discovered, as I have, that she can concentrate better in a situation filled with light chatter, so she finishes her homework on the bus coming home from school. Both kids are such good kids and I sometimes find myself wondering if I’m doing it right.
Then again, there’s jaklumen. He’s trying so hard to be a good husband and father and I sometimes feel like I’m letting him down. He makes me feel so special sometimes and, since next month marks our thirteenth anniversary, I just can’t stop feeling a certain amount of… uncertainty. I keep asking myself if this is all real or if I’ve just made it all up to support some sick fantasy. Times when I feel this way, my family is always right there for me. I have to say, I’d be lost without them all. I just wish that it was easier to live up to my own expectations of what I should be doing to show my love for them all. That’s the greatest problem, I guess. I expect so much from myself and I often feel like I’m falling down on the job because I keep failing to live up to those expectations. I keep thinking, “If I were a good wife and mother, a good person, my house would be immaculate and it’s not.” I know no one is perfect, even those people who seem to be, but it’s hard not to compare the person I am all the time with the people I see regularly at church and other places.
Poor jaklumen. He’s in so much pain lately and today we had a fairly large stress-out session when the computer’s uninterruptible power supply (UPS) began to have the hiccups. Every time the power would cut out, the thing would beep and any time it would beep, jaklumen would almost plead with it to shut up. I was sorely tempted to tell him off for screaming about it out loud, but thirteen years of marriage seems to have taught me something at least. This time, I did my best to keep my nose out of it. I offered to help once and, when jaklumen said he feared my wrath if he started cursing at me instead of his machine, I retreated until he could ask for my help. In the end, the difficulty turned out to be a faulty outlet, so jaklumen switched the UPS plug to the outlet his lamp had been plugged into, since his lamp is less crucial than the computer’s power supply and, with that, the crisis was over.
Anyway, I realize this entry is late, but, as I’ve said, I’ve been busy all day today and I’m not done, even yet. That said, from Dragon’s Lair, that’s all she wrote this week. We’ll see you next week, hopefully, with some new and interesting stuff.