Tags

, ,

I just got done talking with my Dad on the phone.  He's in a lot of trouble, though I can't really say what kind here in this very public milieu, and it's having a real big effect on the family.

Looking at the situation, I realize that I've been dealing with it in about the same way I've dealt with just about any other situation I had no control over: Running Away.  I ran away when my grandmother's Parkinson's disease got to be so bad that she had to go into a nursing home.  I ran away when the bad things happened to me as a kid.

Now that I see it, I remember something my Dad once said to me on one of those hours long trips home from school.  "You can only run away for so long.  Eventually, you have to turn around and face your problems, because it really doesn't matter how far, how long, by what means or in which direction you run, your problems will follow you and they'll be right there waiting for you the minute you turn around again."  This is probably not verbatim, but the spirit of the message is still there.

Now, those who know me, know that it usually takes me a while to learn something, but once I learn something, it's a part of me forever.  

Looking back at my own problems, troubles I've run from since I was ten, I realize that this whole situation is shining a spotlight at my own behavior, namely turning to food as a kind of panacea.  I realize that, if I want to feel happy and safe with myself, it's not the world, but my own emotions that I need to be facing and, eventually, dealing with.  

God willing, I will succeed.

Thanks, Daddy.

Advertisements