This is just my first week in Weight Watchers and I'm having a terrible time. Lots of the things I use to eat with what I am tempted to call "reckless abandon" I now have to account for. I have HUGE cravings for food that I use to eat without thinking about it, particularly when I was depressed
Anyway, I'm feeling a little depressed right now and want very much to dive in and stuff my face…disappearing from the world at large and the pain it represents into a world that is, however temporarily, so very very sweet and rich.
However, I am tired of being big. Here is a great big LIST of reasons why I want to change:
- My children. They need a healthy role model and, right now, I'm not that person.
- My husband. Right now *ahem* conjugal relations (trying desperately to get my point across without being gauche or crass) have become nearly extinct. I'm getting more pleasure out of taking a shower, to be perfectly honest.
** MOST IMPORTANTLY **
- I want to look good in my clothing
- I want to be able to walk across town without being winded
- I want to look in the mirror and like who I see
- I want to look good in a bathing suit
- I want to walk into a room in new clothing and see my husband's jaw drop onto the floor
- I want to feel okay in my own skin
- I want to feel like I have power over my own life
So, even though things are hard right now and, this being the first week, I should probably expect to be tempted to drop everything and continue to live fat and not-so-happy. I won't though. I'm tired. Tired of being fat. Tired of being tired. Tired of looking like the human embodiment of a train wreck in progress. I'm not quitting! I'm going to play this game and I'm going to win! It's just REALLY hard.