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This is just my first week in Weight Watchers and I'm having a terrible time.  Lots of the things I use to eat with what I am tempted to call "reckless abandon" I now have to account for.  I have HUGE cravings for food that I use to eat without thinking about it, particularly when I was depressed

Anyway, I'm feeling a little depressed right now and want very much to dive in and stuff my face…disappearing from the world at large and the pain it represents into a world that is, however temporarily, so very very sweet and rich.

However, I am tired of being big.  Here is a great big LIST of reasons why I want to change:

  • My children.  They need a healthy role model and, right now, I'm not that person.
  • My husband.  Right now *ahem* conjugal relations (trying desperately to get my point across without being gauche or crass) have become nearly extinct.  I'm getting more pleasure out of taking a shower, to be perfectly honest.

** MOST IMPORTANTLY **

  • I want to look good in my clothing
  • I want to be able to walk across town without being winded
  • I want to look in the mirror and like who I see
  • I want to look good in a bathing suit
  • I want to walk into a room in new clothing and see my husband's jaw drop onto the floor
  • I want to feel okay in my own skin
  • I want to feel like I have power over my own life

So, even though things are hard right now and, this being the first week, I should probably expect to be tempted to drop everything and continue to live fat and not-so-happy.  I won't though.  I'm tired.  Tired of being fat. Tired of being tired. Tired of looking like the human embodiment of a train wreck in progress.  I'm not quitting!  I'm going to play this game and I'm going to win! It's just REALLY hard.

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